UME 2014 EXAMINATION. Time: 1hr 30 mins Section A (Answer all questions, questions carry equal marks) 1a) How many chibok girls were kidnapped? and state d reason for their kidnap(20marks) 1B-) The question “Na only you waka come was said by who and to who? Why dis xclamation “chai there‘s is God oo!(15marks) 2a. What are the names of the two people holding hands when you switch on a Nokia phone ?(10 marks) 2b. If the past tense of Take is Took, what is the past tense of Make ?(10marks) 3. Which university in Nigeria has the highest number of ladies using blackberry phones? 4. If Buhari is a friend to Obasanjo on facebook, who sent the friend request and why ? 5. if the cost of moi-moi is N10.50, what is the cost of moi ? SECTION B (Answer All. 10 Marks each) 1. Between the Nigerian police and Nigerian girls, who likes money more? 2. If it takes Goodluck 1 hour to deliver a typed speech in a national conference, how many days will it take Patience to deliver the same speech on the same ... Read more »

As the battle to curb Boko Haram insurgency wages on, some army officers have accused their counterparts in the Air Force of bombarding checkpoints manned by Army. One of the soldiers who spoke to Punch on Monday, November 3, said the Air Force plane dropped bombs on them as they were manning checkpoints on the side of Mubi. He said: “We are 17 in number, manning checkpoints on the Mubi side, when an Air Force plane drop bombs on us. We all fled the area. Up until now, I cannot say where my colleagues are, because we ran in different directions. “I managed to come to Yola through Cameroon, after trekking for some kilometres. I was assisted by some good Samaritan.” According to some residents of Hong, an Air Force helicopter also dropped bombs on some residential houses in Shuwa village near the hometown of Nigerian Ambassador to Tunisia, Ambassador James Barka. In a related development, the Adamawa State Government has banned the use of motorcycles in seven local government areas with ... Read more »

Following the yesterday’s video by Boko Haram leader Abubakar Shekau (or his impostor)saying the alleged ceasefire deal never existed, the All Progressives Congress (APC) blasted presidency. In a statement released by APC National Publicity Secretary Lai Mohammed today, November 2, the party demanded for an independent inquiry into the alleged ceasefire deal announced by the government on October 17, Premium Times reports. It would be recalled that according to what was believed to be a ceasefire agreement, Boko Haram also promised to release the missing Chibok girls. However just days after the news broke out, the insurgents launched several attacks in the North-East. As far as the abducted Chibok girls are concerned, they have still not be freed. To crown it all, Shekau claimed in the new video that the girls had been forcefully married and were now “in the house of their husbands”. The last hopes for ceasefire were crashed. Outraged by the development, the APC publicly addressed Pre ... Read more »

A Nigerian soldier currently fighting against the Boko Haram insurgency in the Northern part of the country has revealed why he thinks the sect would be difficult to defeat. The soldier who did not want his identity known sent an anonymous message of despair to the Nation. In the message, the soldier gave a revelation on why the Nigerian soldiers may not win the battle against the terrorists in North East, saying the corruption in the system was huge and that soldiers have more to self and less for National interest. He questioned who is behind the boko haram insurgency, and how come helicopters will come to Nigeria airspace to supply the terrorists equipment and nobody is saying anything. The soldier complained that people were dying every day, and that money that is supposed to be spent on development is being used for fighting war. He urged those who love the nation to pick up their pen, like the Journalists who fought for Nigeria’s independence in the 60s. “My eyes have seen a lot. ... Read more »

Ekiti Council of Elders in a statement signed by its Chairman, Chief Deji Fasuan, after its ordinary meeting of October 31, pleaded with Governor Ayo Fayose to give priority to short term projects. The elders who believed that such projects seem to have attracted the fancy of Ekiti people also recommended that the governor should place premium attention on projects that would have immediate value on the lives of the people, and tasked him on capital projects with long development period that would help alleviate the effects of poverty in the land.

Akpors traveled to Lagos after his WAEC result was out so that his Uncle will help him get admission into the University of Lagos to study medicine and become a medical doctor. The following conversation came up: Akpors: Uncle, I learnt it’s difficult to gain admission into the university these days except you are well connected Uncle: That’s true. Akpors: Since you are connected, I came to ask you if you can help me get admission into the university after my JAMB Uncle: That’s true..am connected and I will help u Akpors: Thank you Uncle Uncle: You’re welcome…so how is your result, is it WAEC or NECO and how many credits did you get? Akpors: Uncle, it’s WAEC, I had only two credits in agric and Yoruba language but I failed the rest Uncle: Well, that’s not bad, you can still be a doctor, not a medical doctor really but native doctor(babalawo)…You will use your credit in agric in collecting herbs from the forest, and Yoruba language for incantations. One word for this uncle?

Teacher: Class, today you’ll give an example of a pronoun and then make a sentence with your example. Peter: ‘Her’ Teacher: Correct, now make a sentence with it Peter: Give her her book, it’s hers Teacher: Good, yes who else? John: ‘Him’ Teacher: Okay, now form a sentence with it. John: Give him him book, it’s hims! Teacher: My God! John, please leave this class, no hope for you! What do you think of John this time around? Was the teacher right?

A small town persecuting attorney called his first witness to stand in a trial, a grand motherly elder woman. He approached her an asked, “Mrs Jones do you know me? She responded “,why, yes i do know you, mr Williams. I’ve known you since you were a young boy and frankly you have been a big disappointment to me, you lie, you cheat on your wife, you manipulate people and talkabout them behind teir backs, you think you are a rising big shot when you haven’t the brain to realize you will neveramount to anything more than a two – bit paper pusher. Yes i kniow you. The lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do, he he pointed across the room and asked “Mrs Williams do you know the defense attorney? She repied ‘Why yes i do.’ I’ve known Mr Bradley since he was a youngstar too. I used to babysit him for his parents and he too have been a big disappointment to me. He’s lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking problem. The man can’t build a functional relationship with anyone and his law pract ... Read more »

There was this guy at a bar, just looking at his drink. He stays like that for half an hour. Then this big trouble making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy and just drink it all down. The poor man starts crying. The truck driver says “come on man, i was just joking. Here, i’ll buy you another drink. I just can’t stand to see a man cry. No, it’s not that. This day is the worst day of my life. First, i fall asleep, and i go late to my office. My boss outrageous, fires me. When i leave the building to my car, i found it was stolen, the police said that they can do nothing. I get a cab to return home and i leave it, i remember, i left my wallet and credit card there. The cab driver just drives away. I find my wife in bed with the gardener. I leave home and come to this bar. And just when i was thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up and drink my poison.